Cold sweat dripped down the back of my neck. I stepped on the hard metal plate and a shudder shook me as the platform rose up. As it rose, it became dark as a moonless night though it got warmer than the air condition underground room. Slowly the light got brighter, though it only felt like a second to my mind. From the incandescent light bulbs to blistering sunlight, the light overtook my eyes. A warm draft fluttered my loose shirt and moist air filled my lungs. Squinting, my eyes slowly adjusted, as I waited to see the Capitol’s new theme for their “show”. An ironically beautiful sight appeared; a great tropical forest, where all of us will die, but one. Maybe I would die from a weapon, or an accident, or limb by limb. The thought sent shivers down my body and I clenched my sweaty hands. The Cornucopia shined its golden light, tempting me with all its goods. It was then that I realized that the countdown had already reached thirty seconds.
I looked around at the other tributes, standing isolated on their shining metal plates. Some were totally anxious, even shaking, and eyes flying everywhere. Others had a mean look, ready to rip anyone who dare compete with them, especially that District 8 kid. He looked straight into my eye with a death stare. Holy &#*&, I nearly just peed my pants. Crap! I totally forgot what I was going to do at the start. Should I go for the Cornucopia? No, too risky, I’m not a fast sprinter anyways. Runaway? I could work, but I had no idea of what to do after. I looked up into the sky, hoping to get an idea. Some birds were flying over the arena, and then dropped out of the sky and the limp body skid down a transparent force field. I nearly lost my balance when a gust of wind blew over the rainforest. If I fell, I would have been blown to bits by the mines. Mines? If they were electronic, I could definitely reverse engineer them and use them for weapons. Great idea! But first I would have to find food and water, and the Cornucopia was no use to my plan. 10… 9… 8… 7… I tensed my legs, ready to bolt out of the clearing. 5… 4… 3… The blood was gushing though out my body and my head. 2… 1…
The last second felt like an eternity. The gong ringed out in the clearing as clear as a gunshot. My hips turned from the shining cornucopia like a hinge. The adrenaline rushed through my legs as I run instinctively away, to find safety in my slim chance of survival, and big plan.
Sorry a bit late. Apparently I didn’t click submit last night so it never got through.
This was a pretty good writing piece but I think this lacked some sensory details. You did add some very descriptive details. Next time I hope you can add some figurative languege to make your writing even better.
I liked your writing, although it could use some more sensory details to get the reader to imagine the scene as they read it. Make sure next time that you have all of the commas and punctuation correct. A proof-read would help with that before you post it!In the sentence, “No, too risky, I’m not a fast sprinter anyways.”, the ‘anyways’ should be anyway. Also, in the sentence, “The blood was gushing though out my body and my head.”, it should have been throughout. Otherwise these things, it seemed pretty good. Next time, maybe just go over it again, fix your little mistakes, and change your word choices and add figurative language to catch the reader’s attention from the start to the end.